confessions

You know what I hate the most about living? Is that we have to face death all the time. I live fearing death, because I don't take my life for granted. Because in most cases, death isn't fair. Because I don't ever wanna die.
I hate that human beings are conscious about it, that we have to recognize that death is a fact, that we can all die at anytime, that we are that weak, that vulnerable. And as if recognizing wasn't enough, we also have to feel the loss. We grieve, we suffer, we pass out, we fear...we have to go through all this physical and emotional exhaustion...
If I were to choose, I'd want to pass away when I was no longer aware of my existence. Perhaps it would be easier, not having to deal with it, you know? Or maybe in my sleep, in my warm cozy bed, while dreaming or maybe while not dreaming at all. I just don't ever want to experience the agony of not being able to breathe.

Like magic

There are people that enter your life and that once you let them in, you will never, ever be able to let them back out. They become suddenly essential, just like magic.

.

Can't go on pretending I'm ok, I'm not ok, I'm not ok at all. My actions and my reactions right now...not me. People getting on my nerves so easily... not me at all. I can't recognize the stressed me, the impatient myself. But I don't seem to be able to tolerate anything else.